Marriage 101

Yesterday, two of my favorite people got married.  My sister-in-law and my new brother-in-law, got married at the courthouse with their parents there to witness.  Very simple, inexpensive, and as always with a courthouse wedding, interesting.  Tonight will be the celebration......

                                 Brian, Grant, and I at our courthouse marriage.


Last night, as we dined with them and the rest of the family,  I got to thinking about some words of wisdom that I might be able to share with them.  Surely a woman that has been married twice has some sort of advice to give the young newlyweds, right??  Not so much....  It was hard to come up with something to say, so I just didn't.  Then I realized that no advice is perfect advice sometimes.  Of course, it could just be the lazy part of me thinking, BUT, we live in a world of  advice OVERLOAD!!  If they want advice, they can just Google it!! (insert a little giggle)  But I can honestly say, listening to every one's solicited, or as it is most of the time, unsolicited advice, can absolutely ruin a marriage.  So here are my TIPS (disclaimer: I am not a licensed professional in ANYTHING.  I am also a little crazy.  Take what I say with a grain of salt and a margarita, followed by a shot to tequila)

1. Marriage sometimes sucks.  There will be times you consider homicide. 

2. DO NOT commit homicide.

3. People that say they have a "perfect marriage" are liars.  There is no such    thing.  Stay away from those people.  They are delusional but probably well medicated.

4. Do not do anything to your spouse that you do not want done to you.  This is HUGE!  

5. HAVE FUN! Don't take anything in life to serious. Don't hold grudges. LAUGH. Forgive. Encourage. Respect. Don't make promises you can't keep. Stay on the same team. 

 Just like anything in life, it can be as hard, or as easy as you make it. The rest is up to you!!  Good luck! 


                           


Love, Kindness, Laughter, and Faith.
Meaghan

My excuse for not "doing".

Okay...I believe Facebook is starting to cause me a little bit of depression.  I see all these amazing things that so many of my friends are doing, like going to seminars on how to better take care of your special needs child, volunteering at all sorts of functions to help the community, fundraisers, art shows, meet and greets, soccer games, football games, dance classes, karate, and then finding time to work out and tell the world about all these things you accomplished in ONE day.... AFTER YOU GOT OFF WORK!!  

Now don't get me wrong, I try very hard, and am usually successful, at not comparing myself, or my children, to others. But every once in a while, I doubt my decision to live a, Take it as it comes, life.  Problem is, that's all I know.  Not to mention the fact that I am a total commitment phobe.  My other problem is that I love the time I have with my family.  With a blended family, it is very hard to schedule ANYTHING.  Especially when one of us (not me) has an ex-spouse that thrives on making our lives difficult.  

So we just roll....we have learned to take life as it comes, and try our best to make it awesome. And if that means playing in the dirt piles the idiot foundation guys left in front of our house, so be it.  If that means watching animated movies for at least the next 10 years, cool! (Of course, my dad watched cartoons until the day he died) 

We may not make it to Disney World, or a septic, petri dish cruise...But we will do our best to enjoy what we can and WILL do.  Yes, I am hoping this includes a tropical island trip at some point....BUT,  well, there's just no buts about that one. 

So far, everything we have set out to do, we have done. I DO as much as I can. Maybe when my life is in another season, I will be able to do more.  For now, it's day by day.  Because no one has promised me tomorrow! 







Love, Kindness, Laughter, and FAITH!
Meaghan

Happy Place

Does anyone else go back to "the way things used to be" when things in the present, are just about to lead you to the nearest psych ward?  I know you are not supposed to live in the past, and I don't really think that's what I'm doing, rather, I think I am going to my Happy Place.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my life.  I love my family.  But sometimes I have to wonder when I became this person that I am. I will admit that I couldn't wait to grow up, I actually rushed the process, but there is very little that I would change.  So far, it has been one heck of a journey.

With that said, here is my Happy Place.... I was in my early 20's, two kids, living in Iowa, no money, driving an old WOOD PANELLED 1980ish minivan that was given to us by my husband at the time, parents.  Every weekend, it seemed, our friends would come from KC to spend a couple days.  And when I say friends, I mean 3 different couples and their small kids at that time.  None of us had any money, but we would schrounge up enough to get beer for the guys and margarita mix for the wives.  The men folk would hang around and do their thing and us girls would watch the kiddos, sit on the deck, and sip margaritas.  One time we decided to put highlights in each others hair and we all walked around with Wal-Mart bags on our heads.  We always had music on, as we couldn't afford cable.  We actually played BOARD GAMES, dominoes, and cards...We went on a few canoe trips when we could get enough money together, and our kids watched for the weekend. 

Those were some of the best memories of my life.  Because life was simple.  And yes, we had our not so great moments, usually due to the psycho of our little wives club, but what's a wives club without the star psycho, right?

Now, half of us are divorced and some, like me, very happily remarried.  We see each other at our kids football games and keep in touch via Facebook, but we have all grown up.  And admittedly, sometimes being a grown up, sucks!  But this entry is to give a little shout out to my first/only wives club.  You ladies were the best!  The memories I shared with you are irreplaceable and I will always consider you guys my family!  Thank you for being a part of my life.  Thank you for the good times.  I love you all....with one exception.....


Love, Kindness, Laughter, & Faith
Meaghan

I hate standardized testing.  I always have.  We tell our children not to compare themselves to other people, yet in a school system, that's all we do. Some argue that standardized testing is a "fair measurement of a students achievements, and is a way to hold teachers and schools accountable."  Okay, but what about those students who don't learn like other kids?  You can't tell me every single kid in the US learns the exact same way.  And does every single teacher teach the exact same way?  Are we raising a bunch of working bees that will always follow the rest of the bees?  Or are we undermining our ability to raise innovators and critical thinkers by this "drill like" education system?

In my house, standardized testing has created three extremely stressed out children.  I have two that are always "above average", but I have one who has struggled to even reach "average".  Does this mean this child isn't trying, or is lazy, and will never be a promising member of society? HELL NO!  But it has discouraged said child enough that I don't believe they even care anymore. The comparing has caused the other two to believe that any grade below a 100%, is unacceptable and it, more often than not, brings them to tears.  And I can assure you that this is NOT of my doing!  I have always been a "cup half full" kind of girl.  I have never seen the things that my children cannot do, only the things they CAN.

So when we went in for Grant's first IEP meeting, though it wasn't a horrible experience, it did rub me the wrong way.  I sat there for an hour listening to all the things that my almost 3 year old, CANNOT do, compared to other children his age.  And yes, that is Grant compared to children that do not have Down Syndrome. And when they got to explaining how they came to these conclusions, I realized that the things they tested him on, and the examples that they were comparing him too, most of the time, are things he has not yet been introduced to.  He didn't recognize many of the food items that most kids can..... Well, that's because HE CAN'T EAT THEM!! Of course he isn't going to know what they are. The poor kid is still on a diet of soft and dissoluble foods due to his esophagus issues!  Another example, he didn't put the baby doll in the crib when he was asked where the baby sleeps.  If shown a picture of a king size adult bed, he would have put the baby there. He has never slept in a crib in his life. None of my kids have. 

The meeting kind of reminded me of a bad campaign ad. Instead of concentrating on the things I can do, I'm going to bash on someone else for the things they didn't do....  

It is so frustrating to me. We need to cut our kids a little slack. I truly believe that a lot of the kids that rebel and act out, is a result of being compared to other kids.  They are negatively labeled, and discouraged, and then they just give up.  I know this because at one point, I was that kid.  And I'll tell you what, I am not raising worker bee's! I am raising kids who are kind and compassionate. Kids who know how to think outside the box.  Kids who will stop and help someone up, instead of running over them to win. Kids who will eventually realize that their mama is a brilliant woman who didn't actually ruin their lives, but instead, taught them how to survive it in a healthy and positive way. God willing..

Love, Kindness, Laughter, and Faith
Meaghan

I done good!

With Down Syndrome Awareness month coming to an end, I decided I should probably say a few thing about how DS has changed my life and what it means to me.

When Grant was born, we knew there was a possibility that he would be born with a Tracheoesophageal Fistula.
http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/tracheoesophageal+fistula

So, we were prepared for that.  What we were not prepared for, was the diagnosis of Down Syndrome. So yet again, my world got shaken to it's core.  

 The moment I laid eyes on my newborn son, I knew. And as much as I hate to admit it, my thoughts were not of joy.  They were everything but.  I went into automatic blame mode.  I thought of all the things I could have done to have caused this. I shouldn't have used bleach on the bathtub.  I shouldn't have had that drink of wine when we toasted my dad after his funeral.  I shouldn't have taken care of my dad while he was dieing......I blamed myself, BIG TIME!  I went through all the emotions.  Then, I saw my baby as he was getting ready to be transported by ambulance to head to the NICU at Childrens Mercy Hospital, two hours after he was born, fighting for his little life.  That's when I knew I would fight for his little life too. 

After Grant was taken to CMH, I made my husband follow.  Though I wanted desperately to be there with him, I knew I physically could not.  But I did not want our baby to be alone.  Brian had a really hard time with this.  He didn't want to leave ME alone, but I insisted.  And as we all know, you don't argue with a hormonal woman after just giving birth!

After he left, my older kids came and visited with me.  They wanted to stay with me and went into protective baby bear mode.  I did not tell them about the possibility of DS, though.  The fistula was enough at that point and I think I was still holding on to hope that the genetic tests would come back with a negative result.  After a while, the kids left and I was alone.  And that's when I let the dam of emotions break.  I cried a huge, ugly, cry.  I cried like I never have before.  I felt sorry for myself for not being able to hold my new son. I was mad that there was a stupid flower on my hospital door, symbolizing to the nursing staff that the mommy inside was babyless.  

Then, I stopped.  I heard my grandma, (who had died 10 years before) tell me to knock it off and pull myself together, because I had a baby to take care of. So I did. 

  Grant got out of the hospital three weeks after having surgery to correct his fistula.  The Dr's were amazed at how quickly he healed, how he took to nursing almost immediately, and how fast they were able to send our little super baby home.  Little did we know that this would be the story of our lives.  Grant exceeding all expectations, amazing therapists, teachers, doctors, and nurses.  But most of all, amazing his parents.  You see, all of our preconceived notions and our initial reaction to our sons "disability" have flown out the window at super sonic speed.  Because they were WRONG!!   And many times we have heard the sayings, "God gave you this child because you are strong enough to handle him". Or, "He is blessed to have you as his parents". And though these words are said with good intentions, this is not how I see it.  I believe that God blessed us with Grant because we DESERVED him.  And this is why... Brian and I both have experienced a lot of heartache in our lives.  I won't get into the details, but trust me when I say that between the two of us, if we wrote a book together about our lives and our struggles, many would think we were making things up.  So in my opinion, Grant is our prize.  He is our light at the end of the tunnel.  Our pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  We are his parents because we deserved some joy in our lives after all the pain. (even though he can be his own kind of pain)  He is God's way of saying, You did good.  But I really do believe He outdid himself and gave us way more than we deserve.....but we'll take it!! We wouldn't want it any other way!!

What I learned from losing my mom

The past few weeks, I have suffered through my first, and I pray, my LAST, root canal. For three weeks I have endured pain that has radiated down my throat and to my ear. I literally started to think that I had something horrible going on in my body, that was being brought to the surface, dressed like a bad root canal. And I go through this every time I don't feel good. Fortunately, it is very, very, rare, for me to get sick. But when I do, I get SICK! But I also get scared. And I am sure that 95% of my trepidation is caused by the fact that I lost my mom at a young age to what started out as a fall down the stairs, resulting in a sprained ankle. That sprained ankle, ended up being a result of the beginning stages of Lou Gehrig's disease. Also known as ALS. About a year and a half later, ALS took my mom, and obviously, shook my world to it's core. And it wasn't until I had my own children, that I realized just how horrible it must have been for my mom.


If you are not familiar with ALS, here's a little bit of information I copied from the ALSA website:

Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), often referred to as "Lou Gehrig's Disease," is a progressive neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and the spinal cord. Motor neurons reach from the brain to the spinal cord and from the spinal cord to the muscles throughout the body. The progressive degeneration of the motor neurons in ALS eventually leads to their death. When the motor neurons die, the ability of the brain to initiate and control muscle movement is lost. With voluntary muscle action progressively affected, patients in the later stages of the disease may become totally paralyzed.

A-myo-trophic comes from the Greek language. "A" means no or negative. "Myo" refers to muscle, and "Trophic" means nourishment–"No muscle nourishment." When a muscle has no nourishment, it "atrophies" or wastes away. "Lateral" identifies the areas in a person's spinal cord where portions of the nerve cells that signal and control the muscles are located. As this area degenerates it leads to scarring or hardening ("sclerosis") in the region.

As motor neurons degenerate, they can no longer send impulses to the muscle fibers that normally result in muscle movement. Early symptoms of ALS often include increasing muscle weakness, especially involving the arms and legs, speech, swallowing or breathing. When muscles no longer receive the messages from the motor neurons that they require to function, the muscles begin to atrophy (become smaller). Limbs begin to look "thinner" as muscle tissue atrophies.




So basically, my mom slowly lost all function of her body. When she could no longer breathe on her own, she had a tracheotomy. When she could no longer eat, she had a feeding tube. She insisted on being out of bed and in her wheelchair, sitting in the living room, even with all the work it took to get her there, when we got home from school. And it took me years to realize that she did all of this, because she was still our mom. And she was going to fight to stay alive as long as she could, because we were still her children.

So, anyone that really knows me, knows that my biggest fear in life is leaving this earth while my children are still young. I was 15, and my brother was 12 when our mom died. She was 41. In four years I will be 41. As that time gets closer, my paranoia grows. A stomach ache turns into Ebola. Headaches turn into possible aneurysms. Any ache or pain in my joints, is automatically ALS. And EVERYTHING is cancer!

Now, the logical side of me knows I am just being paranoid. But that scared and illogical side of me usually kicks the logical sides ass and then taunts me with the fact that all the unnecessary stress I'm causing myself, could kill me too!

So, I try my best to look on the positive side of things. I do believe that losing my mom young, in a way, has made me a better mom. I know how precious my time with my children is, and I know how quickly it can be cut short. So I tell them I love them 100 times a day. I really don't cry over spilled ANYTHING, because I know how lucky I am to be here to clean it up. I try to stress to them the importance of being compassionate and empathetic towards others, and brave for themselves. You see, I want my kids to have the things I didn't have growing up. But that has nothing to do with the material things I can give them. With the foundation I am giving them, someday they will be able to acquire things. I want my kids to have me. I want to be there when their hearts get broken, so I can comfort and help mend those hurts. I want to be there to reassure them that life does go on after falling on your face, after being humiliated, after being betrayed. I want to help them rebuild their faith in the world after it knocks them down and stomps the breath out of them. I want to be that person on the end of the line when they've been up with their own child all night, and are ready to have a complete breakdown. Yes, I definitely want my children to have what I didn't have. And like my own mom, I will do whatever I have to do to make that happen.

I finally get it, Mom. Thank you for my life. I wish you were here to live it with me physically, but I know your are, and always have been, right beside me. I just hope I am making you proud. I love you.  
Love, Your Daughter

Love, Kindness, Laughter, and Faith,

Meaghan

Step Up For DOWN SYNDROME!!!

My family, and many other families in the Kansas City area, are gearing up and raising money for our annual Step Up For Down Syndrome walk.  This will be the third year for team Grant The Great. It is a day that all of us, graced by a loved one with Down Syndrome, get together, eat, play, and take a lap around Arrowhead Stadium, to raise money for the organization responsible for bringing us all together as a family. The organization responsible for sending warriors, mostly led by our amazing director, Amy Allison, into schools and businesses, and hospitals, etc..to educate and open minds about Down Syndrome. The organization that doesn't just send welcome baskets to parents, like Brian and I, whom were shocked to learn that our newborn had that extra chromosome, but personally delivers them and will sit and talk to them, and welcome them to the family.  The organization that counsels and supports parents who get a prenatal diagnosis of DS, and prepares them for their wonderful and "enhanced" bundle of joy!  The Down Syndrome Guild of Kansas City, is run by, supported by, and employs, real life angels!  Help us give back to these angels, so they can continue to empower more families, and open more minds!

Please take a moment and check out and support our DSG FAMILY!  http://secure.ezeventsolutions.com/fr/FDFDS/2012StepUp/GranttheGreat


 

2010 

   

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Love, kindness, laughter, and faith!
Meaghan